


Just Hold Me

by orphan_account



Category: AOC - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorders, Politics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:34:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28767897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: She dreaded going home all the way up until she was at her very own doorstep. She outwardly sighed and took a step inside.“I made us dinner and I want to watch you eat it Alex.” He said before she even had a second to fully open the front door.“If it’s really not an issue then this shouldn’t be a problem for you to eat dinner infront of your boyfriend.” He continued.She paused. Calculating the amount of calories eating a full meal would put her at for that day.About 750 calories. A lot more than what she would’ve wanted but it’s worth it. If she refuses dinner he’ll force AOC to talk to someone, a doctor, which would just force her to eat even more than ‘750 calories’.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	Just Hold Me

**Author's Note:**

> before you judge, i tend to write my own personal demons and portray them in my fics.

AOC never let the rude comments made by the people that disagreed with her morals, get to her. She knew that no matter what she did, what she looked like, what she said. As long as she represented the democratic party she would constantly be getting bombarded with insults. But every once in a while some comment that in the long run doesn’t matter, WOULD matter. To her at least. This was one of these instances. Looking back on it, it really shouldn’t have had this intensive of an outcome, but it happened to spark a series of events to unfold.

It was an average Thursday evening. Alexandria was scrolling through her replies to a certain tweet she made, despite Riley constantly telling her not to, knowing the harm it can do.   
She saw those words and something about it made her stomach urch  
“Shut the fuck up. Fat pig.”   
Now that small comment really shouldn’t have mattered. Especially considering that just underneath that reply were 10 others that were supporting her and her career. But it didn’t matter that those positive comments were there, she didn’t see them.  
She slowly placed down the sandwich Riley had so generously packed her for lunch. Sliding it into the trashcan next to her desk. She continued her work, ignoring the protest her stomach was making about skipping lunch.

She glanced at her phone as she was getting ready to finally head home at the end of the day  
“Made you a nice dinner!” Riley had texted her. Alexandria caught herself smiling, but slowly repressed it once those 6 words displayed clearly across her mind. More specifically the last two.   
“Fat pig.”

“Hey!” He called to her as she entered their quaint home  
“Hey” She answered, less enthusiastically than usual but Riley brushed it off as one of those ‘nonstop conservative men’ kind of days.  
“I made us some dinner.” Riley said, cheerfully.  
“I.. I’m not really hungry right now Riley.” The congress-woman muttered as she placed her briefcase into it’s designated cubby.  
“Oh… Uhm- Well we can reheat it later. You must’ve had a long day. It’s okay. I’ll give you a few minutes to unwind”   
She nodded toward her partner and made her way into the bathroom, locking the door behind her.

She poked and prodded at the skin around her waist. As she looked at her body more. Judged her body even longer, the more she wanted to cry. Ocasio-Cortez had never really been insecure growing up. Something about that one reply hit her heart. Hard.   
She splashed some water on her face, hoping to just… Just snap out of it. It didn’t work.  
Her stomach grumbled. Louder than when it did during lunch. Something about that noise satisfied AOC.   
“I’ll just lose a few pounds, just so they can’t say that shit to me. Then I’ll go back to my regular diet.” She told herself, staring into the mirror. 

It had been four days and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez had managed to only swallow 618 calories in total. How did she know? Well she counted every single one that passed her lips.  
It was easy during the day, nobody tended to bother her during lunch and she would make up the excuse that she was running too late to eat breakfast.  
Dinners were the trickiest part.   
AOC could tell her partner was catching on, but she pretended he wasn’t.  
“He doesn’t understand. He thinks I’ll get sick. He doesn’t get it” She reminded herself every night as she went over every flaw on her body. It was becoming a nightly ritual.

It had been two weeks. She ate less than 1500 calories each week. The only downfall she had noticed was a slight dizziness, and that a little more hair than usual was coming out during her showers. But nothing that couldn’t be reversed when she finally hit her goal weight and started eating again.   
“Alex.”  
Riley stopped her from going out, it was early in the morning 6:00 AM. Alexandria had been getting up earlier and earlier. Hoping to get a jog in before work.  
“Hm?” She didn’t turn to look at him as she was tying her hair up in a ponytail. Ignoring the strands that fell.   
“Why are you suddenly a morning person?”  
“Uhm.. I don’t know. I like the way I feel after a jog. Ya know? Refreshing” Empty. Skinny. Lighter.   
“I just don’t understand how you have enough time for a morning jog and workout but not enough time for breakfast.”  
“I.. I eat a powerbar on the way to work.”  
“That’s not enough for the amount of calories you burn. Alex, what’s going on? Talk to me.”  
“It’s nothing.” She said firmly. Slamming the door on the way out, she began her jog. 

She slipped back in her home, hoping Riley wouldn’t hear her.   
She was feeling dizzier than usual, she did a more intense workout than usual, and during dinner last night she managed to slip half of the meal into a small ziplock bag and throw it away.  
She went into the bathroom, stepping on the scale.  
She was down 9 pounds compared to last week. She had far past her original goal weight, but AOC convinced herself if she just lost 5 more pounds then that would be enough.   
She slipt into the shower immediately after weighing herself, making the temperature ice cold. 

She pulled up the waistband of her pant-suit but it limply fell to her ankles.   
“Note to self; buy new clothes.” She thought to herself  
“Alex.” He said sternly from behind her.  
“Those pants fit you just fine 3 weeks ago. What happened? What’s going on?”   
She flinched, turning toward her partner who was bombarding her with accusatory questions. Why couldn’t he just lay off? So what if she skipped a few meals, so what if she lost a few pounds? What’s the harm in that?  
“Oh Alex…” He said softly and sadly, his eyes moving up and down her hips. Bone pertruded outwardly.   
“Riley. I’m fine. It’s fine.” Her stomach grumbled.  
“Please Al… Just eat breakfast with me. Just this once.”   
AOC glanced at her watch. Shit. It was only 7:30, and she couldn't use the “late to work” card.   
Just a month ago she wouldn’t even be awake at 7:30. What happened?  
“Fine. Only cause you have nothing to be worried about and you’re making a big fuss out of nothing.”  
“The notebook on your side table says something different.”  
“You read that…”  
“Yes.”  
“Who gave you the right to go through my things?”  
“Oh don’t turn this around on me Alex. Are you kidding? Yesterday you only ate 146 calories? This isn’t healthy. Those little notes on the side with different excuses on why to skip dinner?”   
“I’m. Fine”  
“No you aren’t Al. This isn’t healthy.”  
“It’s fine. I’m just trying to lose a little weight that’s all.”  
“Alex you lost 8 pounds last week. Said so on the corner. 8 pounds in 7 days isn’t ‘healthy’”  
“I’m not having this conversation with you right now.”  
Ocasio-Cortez pulled the waistband of her pants up and stormed out the front door.

Her stomach twisted while scrolling through Twitter on one of her rare 10 minute breaks during the day.  
“AOC Losing Rapid Weight???” The news article stated, colors bright and bold. A paparazzi picture showing her on her morning jog, clearly showing her hip bones through her leggings, the paparazzi picture was displayed next to one of her two months ago. There was a distinct difference. Even the congress-woman had to admit.  
She rapidly typed out a tweet and pressed send before tucking her phone away to go onto her next meeting for the day

~the tweet~  
“I have not been losing ‘rapid weight!’ Your body is beautiful. Food is fuel. I can guarantee most of those pictures of me are either photoshopped or a weird angle.” 

She sat at her desk. It was supposed to be the time she ate lunch. Well she hadn’t eaten lunch in 3 weeks. She glanced at her phone instead of eating the food she brought  
A text from Riley appeared on top of her notification center  
“Eat lunch. Please.” She rolled her eyes and shut her phone off  
“He just doesn’t understand.” She told herself, trying to convince herself, for the hundredth time. Running her hand through her hair to brush the locks that had fallen infront of her eyes away. Small chunks were easily pulled out just by that swift motion.   
“Hair grows back. It’s worth it.” She told herself.  
Picking her phone up and ignoring the text from her partner she put a reminder in her phone to buy some hair extensions and new (smaller) clothes. 

She dreaded going home all the way up until she was at her very own doorstep. She outwardly sighed and took a step inside.   
“I made us dinner and I want to watch you eat it Alex.” He said before she even had a second to fully open the front door.  
“If it’s really not an issue then this shouldn’t be a problem for you to eat dinner infront of your boyfriend.” He continued.  
She paused. Calculating the amount of calories eating a full meal would put her at for that day.   
About 750 calories. A lot more than what she would’ve wanted but it’s worth it. If she refuses dinner he’ll force AOC to talk to someone, a doctor, which would just force her to eat even more than ‘750 calories’.  
“Okay.”   
His eyes brightened.  
“I-I made your favorite. Some ravioli, asparagus and of course that bread from your favrotie bakery down the street.” He beamed at her.   
Just a month ago Alexandria would’ve been happy to eat this filling meal. Digest that meal that’s supposed to be full of her favorite foods. But now just the idea of it made her sick.   
She digressed.   
Hesitantly, placing her briefcase in its cubby and sitting at the table, fauxing a smile.  
She ate once piece of ravioli and already felt like she was about to throw up. She ignored the growing urge to vomit and swallowed the food that her partner so generously made for her.   
They ate in silence.   
“Alex…”  
“Not now Riley… Please.”

They laid next to eachother in complete, eerie, silence, in the dark.  
Once Alexandria was sure Riley was asleep, she slipped out from under their duvet cover and into the bathroom.   
Her anxiety raising, the more she thought about the food she had consumed at dinner.  
“Fat pig.” Was ringing in her ear. Over and over.  
She made herself throw up.   
“ALEX” He forced open the door after hearing retching noises.  
Finally barging through the door, he saw his girlfriend crying over a toilet bowl full of bile. Her tank top displaying her ribs.  
“How did I let it get so bad?” Riley thought to himself. 

“You need help Al.” He cradled her in his arms as she cried.   
Brushing the hair from her face and trying very hard to ignore the amount that so easily fell.   
“No.”  
“Alexandria.”  
“Please no. I just need… I just need to lose a few more pounds and I’ll start eating again. Riley I promise.”  
“Why? Alex why are you doing this to yourself?”  
“Cause.. Cause it’s for myself.”   
Riley knew she was lying, they’d been dating for 4 years now. He could tell when she was lying.  
“Al..”  
“Please. Just hold me.”


End file.
